Here's to a choice!

Till, with a sharp hot stink of fox
It enters the dark hole of the head

- Ted Hughes, The thought fox


The stink proves the fox is alive, the idea is alive.... confusion proves I am alive, in more ways than one. Choice is such a dangerous thing. It is an affliction, almost forcing one to consciously make a decision. Every time I need to make a decision, I am reminded of the lines from Larkin's poem To my wife, "Choice of you shuts up that peacock-fan...". I guess 'choosing' is a gamblers game and unfortunately for me, I have always sucked at it. It is easier when rationale is by your side but what if you have to decide between two options that seems to have equal number of pros and cons? Lord save my soul, those are the decisions I despise with all my heart.
Not long ago I had to choose between two jobs - a dynamic marketing one with great opportunities and that of an idealistic artist. So I sat down to analyze both the possibilities. When one needs to choose, one generally has a pre-meditated choice deep down in their head. An inner voice that softly favors an option, which connivingly makes you choose for you. As things would have it, I had none. The idealist in me said the life of a wanderlust, of a dreamer and the achiever in me swayed towards the notion of success. Then there was the fool in me who said "Why not both?"
It is not important as to what I chose in the end but what was interesting was the process of choosing by itself.
At that point in time I felt the whole universe was filled with "What ifs":
What if nobody had discovered the Earth was round?
What if Ottoman Turks had never captured Istambul forcing the Europeans to discover a new route and eventually colonise?
What if Hitler had succeeded?
What if Gandhi wasn't ever born?
What if the partition hadn't ever taken place?
What if Europe had never gotten out of the dark ages?
What if we were still ruled by monarchy?
What if there was no internet?
Can you imagine the world if people had made choices that were different from the ones we know of today?
Maybe it is a virtue at times when one doesn't have the answers. That is one reason why the fascination with tomorrow shall never cease or for that matter the lure for unknown. Who cares if the fox stinks, atleast it tells you the fox is alive...