One and a half - the 'auto'matic reply!

They are universally hated after cockroaches and the sad part is some of them deserve it too! The purpose of this blog is not to bitch about auto drivers, there are plenty of other forums to do that - like the coffee vending machines in the mornings, like breakfast shows on radio, like the auto stand, the list goes on...
Being a single, working woman in the city of "Bad traffic" my interaction with the bugs in black and yellow is as inevitable as Britney's need to be in the newspapers every morning. I can safely say I have been studying this species for so long that I am ready to write a thesis on them, but for now I will start with this blog entry.
1. How to get an auto guy to come to your destination?
Remember the time you were standing for over an hour asking every other auto guy if he would come to your destination and all you got was a head shake (some of them don't even wait for that)? I am going to let you in on a little secret that will most certainly turn the tables. FYI this theory has taken years of rejection and deep insights to master the art of getting the man to say a 'yes'. Please ensure you follow the procedure step by step for it to work. Here goes...
Remember the times when you are enjoying a lovely stroll on the footpath down Indiranagar 100Ft road, window shopping and loving the gul mohar blossoms? What happens? Every two steps you take you are halted by an empty auto. Put the same formula to practise every time you want an auto - pretend you do not NEED one! And when an empty auto does stop by, with the auto driver shaking his head in a question "where to" just pretend like you do not need him but 'what the hell now that you are here, I may as well use your services'. It works like magic .. every time.
2. How to judge if the meter is faulty?
Alas, even I haven't been able to crack the code completely but here are a few insider tips. When you ask the guy to take you somewhere and he immeditaley asks for an extra and when you start to walk away comes back and promises to take you on 'meter'.. it is more certainly than Obama winning Diplomatic seat, a faulty meter.
3. How to get off an ugly argument over faulty meter and yet pay only the correct price?
Well there are multiple theories to this one. But mostly it is rooted in behaviourial psychology. You need to observe the man carefully - if he is the lazy kinds - step on the acclerator of charge. Shoot him with your words ask him to come to the police station, create a scene - chances are he will be too lazy to continue an argument. He will give up.
If he is the shamelessly dishonest types. Kill him with a morality pep talk. Trust me this works - I have tried it put personally and the driver was so bugged with me that he folded his hands, pleaded and said I didn't have to pay him a single penny for the ride as long as I shut up.
If he is the honest looking but really dishonest type, then play along with him. Tell him you are surprised that such an honest looking man can have a faulty meter. Advice him to go get his meter checked perhaps, he didn't notice it was faulty at all.
If he is the red eyed, monster looking types act dumb in the beginning. Tell him it never costs so much and you travel every single day. If he is adamant as hell and turns aggressive, there are 3 options - shut up, pay up or run like hell.
Do share your insights and theories on this strange species. It may or may not hold true every time but hey it is not like we have Einstein's theory to refute here!